Coachella comes to Fortnite, Home Runs c/o Climate Change, and New York's new Rat Czar

Welcome to the Good Times, your stop for great writing, amusements, and fascinating stuff from the last few days (in 5 mins or less).

Yes, we're doing this to amuse America (and ourselves), but we also donate 10% of our revenue to education and affordable housing charities. So kick back and enjoy.

The Good Times Roundup

• FORTNITE PLAYERS GET NEW COACHELLA-THEMED DESTINATION: I'm not sure we needed more Coachella but now we have metaverse Coachella (if the end times are nigh, consider this a marker).

• CLIMATE CHANGE IS HELPING BATTERS HIT MORE HOME RUNS (SAY CLIMATE SCIENTISTS): Who needs steroids when we've got climate change. A Dartmouth climate scientist studied 'more than 200,000 balls put into play' the last few years and concluded a 1° F increase in temperature accounted for a ~1% increase in home runs. Hotter temps means thinner air, which means less resistance for balls sailing out of the park. Stadium dimensions, pitch speeds, and batter strength all weighed more heavily, but as any Fulton County Stadium (aka 'The Launching Pad') era Braves fan could tell you, summer heat means more bombs (thanks for confirming, Science!).

• NEW YORK NAMES A RAT CZAR: Or 'Director of Rodent Mitigation' (the gig received 900 applications, fyi). The new czar's plans include tackling litter, garbage, and food waste. We salute the effort, best of luck Madam Czar.

• 20-FT TALL DONKEY KONG GAME IN THE WORKS: The Strong Museum in Rochester is building a 20-ft tall arcade-style Donkey Kong game for its visitors - a more perfect Thunderdome for Billy Mitchell and Steve Wiebe there could not be. Send in the cameras, let's get King of Kong 2 out of this.

• CHATGPT, BLOOMBERG AND AMAZON: Another week, another slew of headlines about AI's sprint to change everything. We've heard a lot about generative AI for consumers (ChatGPT will help your kids cheat on tests, etc.) but what about businesses?

  • Bloomberg, whose financial data business accounts for the bulk of its revenue, developed a specialized language learning model in a bid to make it financially sharper than ChatGPT

  • And Amazon's making language models available to developers through AWS who otherwise couldn't build their own (per Andy Jassy, Amazon CEO, it takes 'billions' to develop something on the scale of ChatGPT)

  • Our take from the (very) cheap seats: it's surprising that Bloomberg's in deep with their own tech - maybe OpenAI and Google aren't that far ahead, or developing these systems isn't so hard if your pockets are deep enough. And if AWS succeeds in making these models accessible to more developers, then all the media we consume may soon be authored by competing AIs. Goodbye NY Times, hello robot with (maybe) a human editor.

• THIS WEEK IN FLORIDA MAN: Florida man arrested after wife hit with flying chicken wings

Take the Day Off 🧀

It's National Cheese Ball Day. We looked for guidance on proper observance / celebration (governing body? elders in the tradition?) but came up empty. So ask a Wisconsonite, they can probably help.

With every newsletter we'll run a featured article on topics ranging from kids, dogs, news, sports, or anything in between. We aim to amuse - put another way, if Mark Twain were alive today we'd desperately try to hire him. Thanks for reading and without further delay...  

Today's Article: If You Make it to 79, Leave the Irons in the Bag

May 17, 2015

Every once in a while during lazy Sundays in LA, I'd make my way over to the driving range at Weddington G&T in Studio City.

I loved it there, so much in fact that I bought a golf shirt from their not-touched-since-the-70s clubhut on only my second visit (the dust on the collar kept with the general neglect around the place). You can haul plastic grocery bags of Coors Light around nine holes at Weddington (the pro shop scoops ice in before you tee off) and crisp golf attire gets smirks and cold shoulders, so keep it casual if you're planning a trip.

One random Sunday, I headed over and couldn't miss an old convertible Bentley, top down, jammed crookedly in a handicapped spot in their parking lot. Weddington's full of old things that used to be nice, but this stood out as a real gem in the junk store. A bit of a statement too. 'Nice one, old man,' I thought and headed to the range.

Weddington's range is just a long concrete sidewalk under metal siding, about as wide as a tight two lane road. No grass to hit off, only worn-down mats, and on my way to a spot, I passed a snoozing 80-yr old man in a director's chair.

He cut a powerful figure, even in his slumbering - stout and well-built with plenty of mileage on the frame, but a sports chassis to be sure.

I started on my bucket and stole glances. He was somebody, that much was clear, and there was a Cleveland Browns helmet stitched on his warmup pants.

Maybe it was an old-timer holding onto glory days. Or maybe, after closer looks, it was Jim frikkin Brown, the greatest ever in a backfield and the best lacrosse player in history (it was the latter I'm delighted to report).

He woke up eventually, and several approached him for a quick word or a handshake, and a kid asked for a signature. He was cheerful, and after shaking off the post-nap cobwebs, descended from his chair, grabbed driver, and wailed away.

I texted my Dad. 'No joke, I'm hitting golf balls next to jim brown.'

'Is he hitting them 400 yards?' he asked.

He was swinging as hard as he could and grunting, no doubt to motivate the ball off the clubface, and when he got tired, he climbed back into the director's chair.

Oh, and no irons for this legend, just driver.

I debated approaching him for a handshake but thought better of it. I finished my bucket, and when I went to my car, the Bentley was still there, making a lot more sense now.

What a Sunday. It was like sharing a corner of a great dive bar with one of your heroes. I'll never play a round at Augusta with Condoleeza Rice but I'll always have Jim Brown at the Weddington range.

He's 87 now, and wherever he is, I'm sure he's still swinging for the fences with the Bentley parked out front. Let's hope that victory lap continues for a while longer.

Lastly, a Couple Minutes of Comedy

Ryan Reynolds wishes his Wrexham partner Rob McElhenney a happy birthday.