In n Out in Eighteen Minutes

Prepare yourself, this is a tale of daring triumph. 

It was our final night at the beach on Saint Simons and after a week of golf, pools, good food, and good cheer, my family buzzed with excitement about a final dinner at Halyards (a great spot, let it be known). 

Showers ran and a ball game was on but alas, I stewed.

You see, in lieu of Halyard's I'd (lightly) pushed for a second trip to the Crab Trap, Southern Living's newly-crowned South's Best Seafood Dive and possibly my favorite place on the planet. 

My influence campaign fell flat unfortunately (ignored entirely more like it). And I, an adult, had accepted defeat. 

Dinner was 6, the clock read 4:45, and I stared blankly at the game. 

But then, a divine epiphany: the Crab Trap opened in 15 mins and their bar’s open seating.

My synapses went into overdrive… time enough for a covert op? 

‘I dream of things that never were and ask why not?' whispered the devil on my shoulder (great point, mr. devil).  

Now before continuing you may be asking 'what is the big deal here...?' Fair question, but fair only if you haven't tried the Crab Trap's crab soup - it's the one dish I might ditch my family for, and a single serving for the week was an insufficiency bordering on tortuous. 

I weighed my options - worst case I'd be a little tardy for Halyard's and get a lot of smh's from the fam. 

Or, I'd wait a full year before my next bowl of soup. 

Deliberations over. I was out the door seconds later.

Now the Crab Trap doesn't take reservations and the waitlist fills fast, so arriving right at 5 was key. But I was a single rider on this fine evening, a crucial advantage, and luckily our condo was nearby - so I walked right in on time and snagged the bar’s best stool without breaking a stride.

The bartender welcomed me and pushed a menu my way. I thanked him, patted it politely, and said 'I don't need this.’

'Well ok then, what can I get you?' No judgment in his question, a positive sign. 

'I'd love a bowl of soup and a Miller Lite.' 

'Got it, no problem.'

'Amazing. I'm on a bit of a tight schedule too - and I'll probably want another bowl before I settle up if that works?'

'Yep, we have it all ready in the back. No prep.'

I loved the Crab Trap's food already. Now I was falling in love with the efficiency.

'Oh, and one more thing - can uh... I order soup to go?'

'How much do you want?'

Oh good Lord Jesus yes.

'How much can I get?'

'We can do quarts, even a gallon.’

Brain, exploding.

'I think I gotta go gallon.' 

'Be right back.'

A lovely older couple on the other side of the bar was smiling at this tete a tete. And the man, one of few words it appeared, couldn't help himself. 

‘You really do love the soup.' 

Yes sir, I do.   

We chatted briefly. I shared that I was in town from Nashville and leaving tomorrow, so soup intake was a time-sensitive mission. They smiled again.

The lady then offered 'I love getting the soup for Georgia games in the Fall.' 

Side note, I'll be executing this very plan for Georgia / Alabama tomorrow. Credit to this stately lady for maybe the best idea I've heard in years. 

I glanced at the time: 5:06pm. My beer and bowl were in front of me and a minute later, the bartender returned with a plastic gallon-sized mayo jar full of soup. 

I leaned back, content beyond words. 

When it was all said and done I was two bowls and a beer down, paid up and out the door by 5:18. 

Rarely has life delivered so much satisfaction in such a small window, and I was back at the condo before the showers stopped running. 

Halyard's was great too (by the way) - I deflected a couple comments about my curious lack of appetite but otherwise made it through undetected.   

The Crab Trap at 5, a beach week cheat code for the ages. And next summer I’ll take dead aim at my 18-minute record (multiple times, let's be honest). 

Might need a season-long supply of soup for next Fall too - meaning multiple gallons + a garage freezer?

'I dream of things that never were...' Indeed Mr. devil, indeed.