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'Napoleon' Set to Open, a Second Big Bang, and the Grand Egyptian Museum in Cairo

Author

Ed Festa
November 17, 2023

Welcome to the Good Times. We all need a break, and we’d love to be yours in your regular news diet. Count on us for great reads, amusements, and fascinating stuff from the last week or so (in 5 mins or less).

Yes, we're doing this to amuse America (and ourselves), but we’ll also donate 10% of revenue to education and affordable housing charities when we start monetizing (not to worry though, this will remain a free newsletter). So kick back and enjoy.

The Good Times Roundup

SPACE: Scientists say there may have been a 2nd big bang. At a loss to explain all the dark matter in the universe (or basically the 'stuff we can't see' that makes galaxies move in ways that baffle us), scientists are hypothesizing that there was a 2nd Big Bang, this one for mostly dark matter. 'People always assume everything is created at the same time in a single big bang, but who really knows?' said Katherine Freese, physics professor at UT Austin. Indeed - as Hollywood writer William Goldman famously put it 'nobody knows anything.’ True in showbiz, and now maybe physics too.

EGYPT: $1B Grand Egyptian Museum close to opening. 20 years in the making, the Grand Egyptian Museum, a $1B project celebrating ancient Egypt's greatest achievements, is now almost fully complete. The pictures are stunning - a colossal structure between Cairo and the Great Pyramid of Giza, the museum's atrium greets visitors with a 36-ft, 83-ton statue of Pharoah Rameses II and houses all of Tutankhamen's artifacts. Exact open date's still TBD, but a late 2023 inauguration has been rumored.

NAPS: Short naps have major benefits for your mind. Not since the Journal of American Medicine told us overweight people actually live longer have I been this excited. According to Scientific American, consensus is building that short daytime naps, though frowned upon in polite society (the US Federal Government banned sleeping in its buildings in 2019), benefit 'memory, information-processing speed, and vigilance.' They also boost mood, as we all know. 'No one talks about mood enough,' says Michael Chee of the Center for Sleep and Cognition at the National University of Singapore. 'Tired people tend to be grumpy people.' Feel free to take this news to your boss. 

TIK TOK: Tik Tok growing as a news source. What could possibly go wrong... a new study from the Pew Research Center showed that 43% of users now regularly get their news from the app, up from 22% in 2020, and overall, Tik Tok's the fourth most popular social media site for news (Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram are 1, 2, 3 - Twitter X now trails Tik Tok at 5th). If Xi Jinping becomes a major write-in contender for President don’t be too surprised.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Catch of the year, no question.

MOVIES: 'Napoleon' (barely) fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. As of this writing, Ridley Scott's grand historical epic starring Joaquin Phoenix has a 66% score on Rotten Tomatoes with about 2/3 of the reviews counted (by comparison, Scott's Gladiator clocked in at 80% in 2000). If you're like me, anything above 50% would've gotten me to the theater - see you there, but before you go... 

THE TRUTH ABOUT NAPOLEON’S HEIGHT: He was probably 5’7”, slightly above average for the times.

Take the Day Off 🍞

It's National Homemade Bread Day. Honor the day and break out that COVID sourdough gear - and if you don’t have time to make anything, just grab that muffin at the coffee shop you’ve had your eye on.  

With every newsletter we'll run a featured article on topics ranging from kids, dogs, news, sports, or anything in between. We aim to amuse - put another way, if Mark Twain were alive today we'd desperately try to hire him. Thanks for reading and without further delay...  

Today's Article: Tony the Pony Takes Nashville

A Halloween Postmortem

There are few things I like more this time of year than a backup Halloween costume.

This is a new development for me (as you probably guessed). Being a three-year-old's Dad changes your perspective on most things, and Halloween’s no different. Spooky happy hours and sexy fill-in-the-blank get-ups don't rate anymore - heaven’s now a loose-fitting 4T one-piece with a zipper delivered in 2 days or less.

Every year, we start with grand ambitions which, let it be stated for the record, I support (…pausing so the court reporter could get that). My wife's a gifted creative with talents ranging from flower-arranging to jewelry to homemade cookies - topic for another day but icing those suckers is intense - so when our daughter declared she wanted to be the solar system this year, I was thrilled. 

I was also very, very alarmed. Buying an outfit was out of the question of course, and my wife rightly dismissed me as useless before any work began (I’m not crafty), so it fell to her to create the world's best sun and 9 planets - and yes, 9. Pluto, we haven't accepted your demotion. 

This project required multiple trips to Michael's, overtook rooms in our house, made me the proud new owner of a black T with glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to it, suffered an attack by squirrels who mistook the papier mache planets on our back porch for toys, leading us to replace them with plastic planets hung with fishing line from two groupings of dowels that our daughter would balance on her shoulders while she hit the neighborhood up for candy.

It was a magnificent undertaking, and the end product belonged in a museum. 

Durable, though, it was not. And I, an experienced husband of more than four years now, said nothing. But a week before Halloween, to my great relief, a full-body unicorn costume arrived at our door - my wife sprung for it, just in case (and this is why we're married).  

If the solar system was a classic car, Tony the Pony was a workhorse Honda. No QB2 since Steve Young has filled me with as much confidence. And with that, we turned our attention to the main event(s).

Boo at the Zoo was the first of three events requiring costumes this year, and the solar system was the obvious choice. We gently lowered the dowels onto our daughter's shoulders and she wore it proudly. The dowels stuck out a bit though creating minor problems when kids came within range, but thankfully no eyes were poked and a grand time was had by all. Plus the zoo served beer. 

Event number 2 was Halloween day at pre-school, a different challenge altogether.

Brows were furrowed in our house that morning. None of us wanted to bench the solar system, but we knew a halftime adjustment was needed. Tony's time had come.

And man did he perform spectacularly. He took spills, the occasional fall, smeared melted candy, and at least 20,000 steps between school and trick or treating. My wife briefly considered giving him a bath but the tag explicitly stated 'Care: Spot Clean Only.’ Tony can take a lot but not the washing machine apparently. 

But it was Halloween night when Tony really shined. Max efficiency on her mind, our daughter ran to each front door like a hunting dog and racked up so much candy she needed a backup basket for overflow. Kobe couldn't have scored 81 in a tux, and this haul wouldn't have been possible in the solar system. And after her hunting and gathering was done, she sat triumphantly at the table and plowed through nerds, kit kats, and twizzlers. 

At this point bedtime was nigh, setting the stage for Tony’s final clutch play. Our ‘go-down routine’ often involves heavy negotiations over PJ selection and wrestling matches to get said PJs on, but on this night, I completed the whole thing in 11 seconds flat. I simply unzipped the suit and tucked the little one in (she was already in her preferred PJs underneath).

No multi-part costume to shed, or face paint to scrub, etc. I hung that Hall of Fame unicorn in the closet and exited the room. 

Done.  

In this season of gratitude, I give thanks for you, Chinese manufacturing + Amazon Prime.

And onward we go to Thanksgiving, where, dear reader, fully-cooked frozen Butterballs are available here (delivered in 2 hours or less). 

Just in case. 

More Good Stuff

Lastly, a Great Story from Bob Knight

On coaching Michael Jordan during the 1984 Olympics.